and then there were two

lots to say, lots to say but i'll try to be somewhat brief. my class is down to two and some exciting news came up after class yesterday. akiko (remember her? 30~ half japanese half ecuadorian girl who lived in ny for 10 years etc) and i are the only ones left in the class and its getting harder. i can now say "where did you go for dinner yesterday?" and "tomorrow i will go to Wan Chai to drink beer". great. anyway, it turns out that akiko is married to this dude jason who grew up in cranston, RI, just like Sandstorm (my mom). they wouldn't know each other but it turns out jason went to cranston east (also like the storm) and had sandstorm's mom as a teacher in the early 80s. lets review: i am in hong kong studying mandarin and in my tiny class of just me and one other person, my classmate's husband had my grandmother as an english teacher 25 years ago. what the fuck are the odds of that one? talk about small worlds and after alls.

the other night i had chicken with steamed rice and veg for dinner......



it was takeout from the restaurant at the ground floor of my building and was HK$33 (~US$4) and it was alright. maxx described this place as "same same" and i dont blame him. i can't remember if i did or didnt get sick but lets not get caught up in any details. its a somewhat healthy cheap as shit dinner option for a monday night. they almost know me downstairs. they still hate me and look at my big round eyes like any other local does but then they smile afterwards.

to follow up on my last post re: kanye's recent failure, please review this article if you have a chance. this self-proclaimed "top black owned tech blog" agreed with me. sidebar - what the fuck is the top black owned tech blog? can't you just be down? anyway, the title sums it up quite well. i can't say the article was written well or even edited but it sounds like the writer is a little bitter betty about not being buds with kanye. however, he agrees with what i said the other day. kanye is a bitch. yo breez, sorry man, but have a good listen and then tell me again. if i wanted to hear some singing, i'd buy mariah carey's xmas greatest hits. like this shit.....

who doesn't love that. jews love that. love actually loves that. whites blacks greens jews mormons all love that. i know tang loves it. thats for sure.

i'm heading to seoul tomorrow to visit ace for a long weekend. there may be turkey involved. there will certainly be a whole lot of hanging out involved. my friend in bangkok always asks me why i like to hang out so much. it's not an unfair question. anyway i was telling ace about this mix i was trying to share and he encouraged me to use maestro. let's see how this goes.

maestro.fm - Playlist 1119

you'll note the aforementioned "tell em i said that" isn't on here. apparently maestro isn't yet ready for itunes tracks. i don't blame them. so take this mix and then go pickup that ti track and you'll get the idea. good shit. lemme know what you think.

i gotta be out - this has become another long one. so sorry! if you're gonna be in seoul this weekend, let me know. we'll hang out.

yum la pok gai!

whoever introduced kanye west to the roger troutman-esque voice synthesizer or whatever you call it thing should be shot. hey kanye, stick to producing, dickhead! he makes me dislike him even more on his new album. fuck that guy. go listen to "lucifer" and then tell me he's better as a rapper than producer. a-hole. so yea i downloaded that new shit and i don't like it. i also got luda's new "theatre of the mind" actually he may have spelled it theater which makes me like it less. i bet he doesnt even pronounce it thee-ate-er like i do. whatever, no worries. i've been working on a mix for the past few days after a brief bbm with brooks re: ti's "tell em i said that." that's a hard one. i hit a mini-mix-block after 9 tracks but hopefully i can pick up where i left off and finish it off soon. i'm not too into imixes on itunes as far as how it works but maybe i can figure out how to publish it or send it or ship it. i'll do something to it.

yesterday after class i had some quality time with my classmates. we had a 45 minute foot massage (hk$108 ~ us$14) which was cool. i'm still chackatee mak maa (learn thai if you wanna know what that means) but it was dope. we tried to practice with our massager people and they thought it was hilarious. my conclusion is i know the right word to say, just dont know the tones yet. i need a whole lot of practice with it. why the fuck couldnt the chinese just use different sounds like someone with a slim bit of logic would. these motherfuckers had to just use the same sound more than once? each sound has 4 tones. not all sounds use all tones. what the fuck you been? (oceans 11) but then when these fuckers talk to each other, they talk so fast there really isn't much tone anyway. tone this, bitches! anyway after our massage experience we went to this meat house that i had gone to with maxx for a quick (20 minute) happy hour. i guess it was like a happy 20 minutes. 2 beers for hk$18. now we're talking. pbr bottles. so good. chris (dutch classmate) was like "this shit tastes like water with a hint of beer." i said something like "excuse me mr high horse chill out and drink up water is good to stay hydrated." everybody knows the value of hydration, especially when attempting the combo on a good friday night. although there are rumors of an even harder combo. youd have to ask eddie or mark. anyway, after the happy 1/3 hour, we met up with one of our teachers named candy for thai food. akiko's husband came and the 5 of us went for japanese food. the point of the dinner was to get thai food but it was "sold out" according to our teacher, candy. shes totally amazing and has more energy than i would after 10 red bulls. its really incredible how happy and outgoing she is all the time. im trying to find her on facebook. updates to follow. dinner was fun since akiko lived in tokyo for 4 years. we learned a few new japanese customs; like appropriate respectful chopstick positioning when not being used. the correct answer there would be left-right, in front of your plate, closer to you. i'll go to that.

after dinner and a brief walk i met up with some friends in TST at what turned out to be the same building i had been in with other friends a few weeks ago. Katherine house. I don't like that name with that spelling. i wonder if any of you know why. its associated with the same reason i dont like white cars. weird, for sure. anyway the night ended up messy but was really fun. hk$300 (~us$40) to drink all you want. they were bringing me pitchers of chivas/coke like it was nobody's business. this dude who worked there named cyrus was wearing a fedora so my first question (naturally) was if he knew sweet sweet ontonee. he didn't. then i asked him if he'd ever been to the poom poom palace. surprisingly, he also hadn't. at this point, i'm like "cyrus, my man, you're gonna go and wear a fedora and a leather jacket and tell me you've not only never met sweet sweet ontonee, but you've also never been to the poom poom palace?" he started laughing really hard as his sign he had no clue what i was talking about (probably like you right now) and then handed me a business card from the bar (called Miss) with his mobile number on it. he said i could call him "any time." I recognized the fact i had just met him 5 minutes earlier and showed great gratitude and accepted the card with 2 hands like a good asian businessman would.

this is really turning into another long post. what the fuck. i go like 3 days and then all of a sudden i have a lot to say. laziness is a bitch.

today i took a walk from cwb to central with the goal of seeing wan chai in a better way than before. mission accomplished. here's a few photos i got on the way.....



these courts were made up of a bunch of 3 on 3 games and it didn't look like anyone could play. i was about to drop some air j-bag on em but then realized it was probably a bad idea. next to these courts is this hardcourt soccer field.



it was a pretty casual game even though both teams wore jerseys and were somewhat organized. then i checked west and it turned out they had fans.....



there were some whites who probably thought they were at some big important soccer game and other people just hanging out and watching. it's nice to see some fields/courts in the middle of a huge city. it's literally just off the main street. you could kick those balls into some serious traffic. like rush hour 2 type traffic.

after many of those personal pitchers of chivas/coke last night, i learned the phrase for which this entry is titled. yum la, pok gai! = drink up, motherfucker! i digg some of this chinese slang. and you'd better believe i got the tone right on that one.

hei se de j-e-l-l-o

week one of school is done and we're starting to move on to numbers and colors. shit is getting very difficult. today we tried to use complete sentences in both the question and answer form and it was really hard. my classmates (your buddies) also struggled. i tried to practice with some cantonese speaking friends who also know mandarin and they were either messing with me really badly or i was way off. apparently dong is not pronounced dang but more like dawng. xi huan means to like, by the way. if you want to say i like yellow, you'd say wo xi huan huang se. huan huang is some hard shit! its pronounced like hwaan hu-ong. back to back is almost like a tongue twister. we asked our teacher if there were any chinese tongue twisters and she was looked at us like we were a bunch of jackasses. i am starting to understand the way things work though. today i learned that when you ask if the book is red, you actually say - is the book a red book? special prizes go to any mandarin speakers who can write how to ask if the book is red. you show offs!

yesterday i was walking around after class with our buds just wandering and we found this place near my apt serving tortoise jelly. what the fuck is tortoise jelly? Here's what it looks like....



grody. that shit is nasty and it tastes as gross as it looks. we added honey and it didn't do shit. it tasted like bad cough medicine. according to some sources it's good for the skin and to get toxins out of the body. i'll keep the toxins as long as i don't have to eat this shit. there was a girl in the restaurant who was drinking some tea (who knows what kind) but she was literally holding her nose while she was chugging it. sweet. she made a face similar to mine when i was tasting this crap so i'm assuming she was drinking something similar. it's like a face/face/same/same rule or something. same same but different, maybe?

a new hong kong brand store opened across the street with all kinds of gear for men and women and decided to have a pre-opening blastoff sale. if you buy 3 items, 40% off everything. that's right bitches. i may or may not have spent an hour in there after my black jello catastrophe. i did pretty well. also met some new employees in the neighborhood. overall it was pretty good. although according to maxx, xmas time is another big 70% off time for hk. in that regard i'm thinking about getting a part time job. what can i do or sell under the table that will bring some quick cash? tutoring is the best idea as of now but i dont know if i can do that without a visa.

ive been downloading like mad these past few days. shows i have on my computer to watch:

• house
• law and order, svu
• chuck
• two and a half men
• big bang theory
• how i met your mother
• worst week
• entourage
• californication
• without a trace
• csi: miami
• csi
• law and order

was i looking for an excuse to use bullet points? maybe. will i watch all of these shows by the time each have another episode? probably. should i be out doing sweet hk stuff and not watching stupid american shows? definitely. whatever, sometimes things are slow. sometimes they aren't. this weekend maxx wants to take me to aberdeen to eat some funky fish and go for a drive. and and his sister phoebe (ni hao lau g!) wants to take me somewhere cool too.

as a final note, i have a long weekend next week (thurs-sun). any recommendations on somewhere to go? tokyo is obvious, bangkok is easy, but i'm open to other suggestions. i'm looking for cheap and easy to see in 4 days or less. shibuya!

zher de dongzi nian yi ma?

took two showers today. had a workout today too. different sequence, thankfully. apparently i get a free orientation with a trainer at this gym im going to. i asked to speak to a trainer and the receptionist got on the loud speaker and said "PT english speaker please!" that was awesome. i couldnt thank her enough.

my friend in bangkok sent me some photos from the loy krathong festival and also samutprekan. she asked if i had heard of them or if i'd been there. i had to say no to both of those. bummer. i have been to sukhumvit soi 4 but thats pretty much it. i also know that mall with the cell phones everywhere but not that festival.

today i also read through ryan mcginley's blog from his summer tour. check it out here. i thought about it today because of the guy who sublet my apartment for the month of may. he is the "chris" mentioned in many of the posts. i think he is ryan's assistant. this is a crazy project that has started to get some pretty serious press. i think some of it is pretty cool. i wonder who made his portfolio. well, not really, no i don't.

still can't stop listening to this new john legend album. i need some new stuff. this is getting bad....

zher de dongzi nian yi ma?..........are the things here cheap?

ni jiao shen me?

i took these photos today in victoria park in causeway bay, a 5 minuter from my apt. sundays in hk are super weird. all the filipinos come out from their busy schedule and hit either this park or central and take up the streets. they literally sit in the streets. heres a photo from last sunday from central.....



yea, pretty different. they just don't give a shit. i can respect that. they work hard those other 6 days making next to nothing - good for them if they want to sit on cement for 15 hours. also, its really only women. youd think thered be guys there trying to pick them up, but i guess i missed the meat market. maybe that's earlier in the day?

school is going well - its frustrating trying to practice with hong kongers since most of them only speak cantonese. mandarin is a funky language but it's still pretty fun. i have these cute little chinese teachers and they all think i'm pretty funny for some reason so class is pretty pleasant. it actually goes by really fast, which is always a good measure of whether or not you enjoy something. when it's good, theres never enough time.

the sales are starting - today i walked around with my boy maxx for a few hours just noticing the 40/50/70% off sales. he said they will really get serious in december before/during xmas season. butterdrums. i'll be here for that. although as an aside, i have the 15th-25th of dec. off without any visitors in town - any recommendations on some travel? i may go see ace in s. korea or yesterday i was being pushed to book a ticket to sydney. 4,566 miles if you're in the technical mood. shit isn't close. tokyo is of course on my mind - although i'd like to get another long weekend there before then if possible. ive been penpal'ing with a new friend there and it would be cool(er) to be shown around by someone my age. not that getting hammered and eating well with a 63 year old isnt cool, but someone in their mid twenties may feel more comfortable taking tequila shots or going to skate shops looking for sb's (in that order, of course.)

i went to the barn last night to check it out per a rec and grab some dinner before heading to my friend's bar. its a small sports bar about 20 steps from my apt. they were playing a man u game on a big screen so i had a salad and had a beer and what happens? chris (yes, the dude from my class) comes and sits down next to me. so, i ran into someone i know in hong kong. only took 3+ weeks. his dutchness really comes out after a couple beers so we discussed netherland-ic real estate values and his triplex apt that he owns. i guess it was something to talk about and pass the time. whatever it was fine, although i was pretty excited to get outta there.

made a couple friends last night. it may have been one of their birthdays, but i'm not totally sure. they gave me a piece of paper with 2 names and 2 phone numbers on it, i just don't remember who is who. this should be fun trying to figure out. i'll just drop a quick ni jiao shen me (what's your name) on em. works every time

ni pang ma?

class started yesterday - 2 days down and i really like it so far. as for learning, i can say hello, how are you, and other very basic conversation points. i can't yet ask for the toilet (apparently that's higher level) nor can I say yes. both japanese and cantonese use "hai" so i'll go with that for now. in my class are 2 other people: chris, a 30 something guy from the netherlands who's decided to take 6 months off his job to teach scuba in the phillipines (and learn a little mandarin in the meantime) and akiko, a 30 something ecuadorian/japanese woman who has recenty moved from new york via tokyo. of course while living in ny, she lived in the wellesley on 72/3rd....know it? chris is only taking the class for 2 weeks while akiko will be there for the long haul with me. a whole 8 weeks. it will go by faster than i can imagine. i'll be able to sleep tonight knowing you are now on a first name basis with my classmates. yippee.

it finally cooled down here. its in the low 20s (c) so its around 70. pretty sweet. it didnt make sense before when people were shopping for sweaters and jackets - still doesn't really - but at least now they'll be able to wear another layer. my buddy here ricky everyday tells me its "fucking cold" even though i consider this weather really enjoyable. he called off his wakeboarding the other day cause the water was gonna be too cold. i called him a bitch and he wasnt sure what that meant so we were all set.

i saw quantum of solace the other day. it was action packed, similar to casino royale. apparently the chileans are furious since they filmed it in chile but claim it takes place in bolivia. i'm not too sure of the politics down there but i guess i'd be pissed if they filmed something in stupid canada and said it was new york. im sure that happens all the time but don't tell me. actually i couldnt give a shit it probably does happen all the time.

the movie theatres here make so much sense. you choose your seat before you walk into the theatre, so you know what you're getting into. there is even a live map online so you can book online and pick your seats. this is fucking genius. if you knew your seat would suck, you wouldnt go to a movie. they also charge different prices depending on the day of the week and the time of day. this is no matinee system. fuck the matinee system. discounts go pretty late in the day as tickets slowly become more and more expensive. the most expensive show is still under US$10 and the theatres are pretty nice. theres supposedly an imax theatre in kowloon. i'll see anything in imax i'm still pissed at myself for not seeing the dark knight in imax. speaking of pissed, i enjoy imax so much, i'd probably watch r. kelly peeing on a girl if it was in imax. maybe i'd watch that anyway. unclear.

i was really proud of myself today. like a jackass, the day i got here, i blew out the power to my iHome ipod player by not converting it appropriately. good work, asshole. i was sure i could find a new power plug and today i did! i went to this bootleg computer centre in wan chai - turns out about 7 buildings away from my class - and went to this random stall where this guy had what i needed. not only did he have what i needed, but it came with the piece so that i can use it when i get back to the states. whenever that may be. for hk$130, i'm amped. its around us$15 which was more than worth it to believe i have a decent brain. i probably got ripped off and probably could have haggled the guy, but i was so psyched to be able to listen to my ipod in my apt that i didnt really care. ballinoff!

all of that joy went away when i left my atm card in the atm machine later today. butterdrums! i guess i was in such a good mood from the power adapter that i didnt give a shit about my atm card. good work. i hope someone found it and withdrew the remaining us$112 in my account. go ahead and have it! i figured it out when i went to this store called IT (sweet hong kong brands) and paid for these 5cm jeans and didnt see my stupid atm card. i was like "fuck!" at the register and the girl behind the counter was like......um, did you think these were cheaper? or are you mad that we can't communicate? the answers, in order, for the record, were no, and definitely! no problem though, i called citibank on skype (skype me! name is dannykirschenbaum) and had them cancel my card and send a new one to another branch in central. not bad at all. could have been much worse.

here is a street level view of my hood......




ladies and gentlemen, i present to you hysan avenue. i know, it's nice. can you see that mercedes dealership in the back? do you think that guy behind me knew i was taking a pic so he jumped to that pose? he looks good. i high fived him immediately after i realized what he was doing. he wasn't into it, but he also wasnt against it. i don't blame him at all.

as a final thought, if you haven't purchased/downloaded/stole john legend's new album, evolver, don't even finish reading this entry and go get it. if you can tell me how to send it to you, i'd be glad to do so. now i can listen to it as much as i want with my ihome ipod player. fuck yes. oh, and in case you don't speak mandarin and are wondering the title of this entry........

ni pang ma........are you fat?

yea and can i get a jew's ear on the side?

the last few days ive spent wandering around looking at all different kinds of things and trying to find cool stuff to take pictures of. i finally got my camera in working condition so no more excuses!! this is the view from my apt...





thats right bitches, water view. thats what i'm paying the big bucks for. yea right. more like water [sliver] view. its ok, i still like it. one of my friends came over yesterday and described it as "cozy". that's all i'm looking for. 15th floor is cool too i get to see some action and the moisture before all 14 floors below me. the benefits keep rolling in on this place. my bed is actually way too firm i need to get one of those mattress pads or memory foam things. my dad used to tell me it was good for a persons back to sleep on the floor or a hard surface but my back fucking kills when i wake up; that one is beyond me.



this photo does a pretty good job describing my experience here so far. a ton of people, and a big blur with me not having any idea where the fuck i am. i took this yesterday while waiting for my [cozy comment] friend at the mong kok mtr stop. she had lost her cell phone so finding her was a super slim (like my water view) chance but somehow we figured it out. we walked around mong kok for a while which i didnt mind whatsoever. theres a place there called sneaker street which is really where i want to be buried when it comes to an end. its exactly as it sounds. like an onomatopeai. well, maybe not exactly. but you get the point. the sneaker shops are endless. i'd guess they all share about 60% of the same shit and from there have their own variation on whats cool. there must be 10 alleged nike stores, god knows which one nike knows about cause they certainly dont. the same nike sportswear which i mentioned a while ago is all over the place, all with really cool options. i easily could have spent hours and hours there but my friend kept me under control. i actually didnt even buy anything - i knew i'd be back. she showed me this mall they have there, its about a year old and is a really weird design. this is from the top.....



there are all these escalators that go everywhere and the walkway goes around the center. it makes you walk around in circles. it was really fun explaining to my friend the difference between an escalator and an elevator and then why in fact they are different. this mall has a movie theatre, 39821 restaurants, and a make-your-own-bobblehead shop. sweet! im not sure how i didnt spend any money but i should get the nobel prize for that.

last night i went to get some food and was a little surprised when i saw this.....



lets focus on this for a second. is this a fucking bartering spot? i have to give up one of my ears in order to get some dinner? or do i eat my own ear? im confused. who can i see for some clarification? the only thing this photo clarifies is my fear of being a j-bag in hk. i've admitted to no one -- and i mean NO ONE -- of my jb status. i hope you can keep a secret too.

im in narita now and internet access doesnt seem to work so im not sure when this will post. probably not until i land back in hk. had a late one last nite with niiyama and his friends. he threw that party which was a hit. id say there were almost 60 people in the room, 4 of whom were white. i spoke to a british guy who lives in tokyo now for a little while but then the drinking began. there is a bar-like area in the gallery and one of niiyamas neighbors was thrilled with the fact that i brought him snacks. so he decided i should get drunk for helping him out. the party lasted until around 10 and the bars afterwards lasted until 4. im told i slept at this karaoke bar from 2-3. no surprise there. it would have been hilarious if they left me there. good thing they didnt. here are some photos from the party......




the night before niiyama took me to a photographers house for some wine. his name is david stetson and he has got some incredible stories. hes another briton but he lived in ny for 11 years and now has been in tokyo for 16. he told me how he got roped into the studio 54 opening party. he said he thought he was going to a photo studio. the other amazing story was about how he was in the building when john lennon was shot. he lived upstairs. he said he heard the gunshots very clearly. and then apparently people sang 'give peace a chance' outside 24 hours a day for the next 7 days. im convinced this wouldnt happen now and no one does any real rioting or acting. it didnt surprise me when there wasn't too much action after the sean bell shooting. if the equivalent had happened in the 70s it would have been a different story. not that im any kind of authority on that. or much of anything really. heres davids website.......


the past two days i spent the afternoons in harajuku looking around and trying to shop. while tokyo clothes are sweet as shit, they are made for japanese people. if you have big feet, this time around, youre fucked. i didnt see any sneakers that i hadnt seen before and the prices are absurd. sneakers i bought in hong kong in july for $65 were $160 in tokyo, now 4 months later. i did the see the donatellos......



these are virtually impossible to find in ny but they didnt have my size and they were 14700 yen (~$150). i did pick up some fucking sweet pants at this tiny shop and a sweater at this store that we call japans next top model. when we came in dec07, there were 20 girls all of whom must have been models. JNTM. wait on that, you'll see me in the background with a huge grin.

time to board. back to hk!

kit kittredge is stalking me

i woke up at 530 this morning to start what turned into a 9 hour journey to tokyo. after a taxi, a train, a plane, [some chilled soba noodles and a large sapporo], a bus, and a taxi, i finally made it. its really cool to be comfortable here and to know where to tell the taxi driver to go and have somewhat of a clue. i did at one point show him the address in english but i cant believe that actually helped.

during the flight [nwa 12] i listened to this playlist i made of the most listened to songs on my computer. i bet you cant guess numero uno. anyway im sitting in the window exit row [bitches!] and i decide to watch the dark knight - which by the way - must have kicked major ass on the imax screen. out of the corner of my eye i see the screen that the rest of the plane is watching and what the fuck comes on but kitt fucking kittredge. the same bitch that drove me crazy on my flight from sfo to hkg. god damn it! fortunately i didnt have to watch [for what would have been the second time, thank you very much] cause i had somehow thought to download movies for the flight. good thinking. that little miss sunshine bitch better not be on any more of my flights or i may flip nuts.

im in my friends office now trying to type on his japanese keyboard. hence the use of brackets and general bad typing. he is dealing with some customers now - he works 7 days a week - so he set me up on the office side. he also turned on the camera in the showroom so i can watch him have his meeting. its awkward, but very awesome. he says i enjoy peeping. there is also a gallery upstairs open 6 days a week that he runs [gallerycosmos.com] which has works for sale now for 3000 yen which is something like $30. good price. the reason i am in tokyo, besides general leisure, is that he is putting on an exhibtion of his fathers work starting this week. hes having a party to kick it off and he invited me. i couldnt say no. everyone will get drunk and nobody will be able to communicate with me. its one thing to be at a halloween party where everyone speaks the same language and you only know 3 people; its another to be in a place where you not only dont know anyone besides the host, but nobody besides him speaks a lick of english. pass the a-sauce, bman!

i have some photos to upload but my phone doesnt get service here so theyll have to wait. the narita airport is really something. so are these gelatonous candies i bought - stef you know what im talking about - theyre delicious, addicting, and deliciously addicting. ill figure out a way to explain better later.

i could have sworn i saw jeff staple on the flight today. im sure hes not reading this and im sure he wasnt on the plane but it was weird. it was also weird when his name came up during my conversation with his majesty himself, the unofficial mayor of hong kong. hot damn! things are happening, im starting to tell.

im sleeping on niiyamas floor tonight on a judo mat. im sure there will be versions of what happens to share. know anyone in tokyo or of anything going on? let a brother know!